fenelva

dread....

2009-12-11T13:46:10Z

as the days grew closer and closer..... The more i feel dreading to go to work..... *sigh*

Take it as a learning experience - they said
Take it as a good thing because you wont see the rest - she said
Take it as a stepping stone for your adv dip - she said
Take it as a getaway from everything - she said
Take it as a positive thing - he said

And what do i think?? *sigh*
All i know is.... Im gonna ask to get out of here soon.... Hiaz.....

Im gonna miss my b2 friends.... My loves.... My gossip lovers.... I'll miss all of you....

dreams vs reality, destiny and fate

2009-11-30T20:40:35Z

Have you ever had a dream.... A dream that felt so real, that when you wake up..... You actually thought it really happened?

And have you ever had the feeling that everything is a dream because it all seems too good to be true? Or everything is so bad that you wished it was a dream?

Lately.... im getting my dreams and reality all mixed up.... I just dunnoe whats the truth anymore....*sigh*

Gossips and stories..... Truths and lies..... Dreams and reality..... Your mind and your heart....Which one do i listen to? Which one is the right one? I guess you'll never know.... Because i forgot one thing..... Fate and destiny....

Sometimes we make the right choices.... And sometimes we don't..... And we know that when we make mistakes..... It happens for a reason...... you'll never know what is it now... but sooner or later.... you'll understand why.... Because its destiny or fate....

Like they always say.... God work in strangest way...

oh and dont forget karma..... Whatever you do.... There's always a rebound action back to you.... What goes around comes around.... Be nice to ppl and they'll be nice to you.... Whatever shits you did back then, you might think that its just the past.... Well think again.... Karma strikes back when you least expected it..... And when she strikes back.... She's gonna bite hard.....

Whatever it is.... Be happy with what you have right now.... Because you'll never know when it all disappears....

Dear god..... Please give me the strength.... to live my life again like i used to.... Because right now.... Im so exhausted with everything thats happening to me.....

one year of craziness...

2009-11-11T06:05:06Z

its been a while since i last entered an entry.... Life is just aint the same.... Sigh....

i simply dont understand.... I dont understand why ppl just assume things.... I've been misunderstood my whole life.... like in pri sch.... My teacher thought im like the black sheep of the class.... Because i go around saying foul languages.... Just because one of the girls got jealous i befriended one of the other girls.... And to summarize things up.... They told the teacher.... And without evidence im the one being counselled by the teacher.... Sigh.... Then goes to sec sch.... Lil' lower sec kids got jealous when i went out with a senior.... And they said i was a bitch and so forth... Thank god for my lovely sec friends.... They stood by me.... Love you guys... And i thought it all finally went away when i go to poly.... Because i live a mundane life in poly.... But as i start my working life.... It all starts again.... ppl saying i used to go ard dating guys and ditched them at the last minute.... Always going to lectures late and be so 'bo-chap' abt it.... All this during the poly days,...What crap...

Im like so fucking sick and tired of all this.... And this nonsense crap shits doesnt help me with my depression.... Bad enough i've got to choose two amazing guys.... I've got to hurt two other girls too.... And these two guys.... I've broke their heart so much.... I dunnoe why they still want to be with me.... i even made them cry.... Yep guys... I've made guys cry.... How horrible can i be... I'm pathetic.... Sigh..... Its been a year plus i've started a new life as a working girl.... A fresh new start where noone noes me.... And yet again.... I screw everything up..... Its all me fault that everyone got hurt...... Its all my fault..... Everyone got hurt because im indecisive.... Yeah... Im a bitch i cant deny it.... But i cant do this anymore..... Its so hard.... Im getting so tired..... Tired of my life.... Tired of putting a fascade on everyday.... Maybe its karma.... All because of me... Everyone got hurt.....

Im sorry.... Im sorry if i've hurt you.... I really dont mean it..... Im sorry....

goodbye note.....

2009-06-12T16:28:39Z

If I were to die one day and didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to everyone…… this would be it…. The goodbye note…..

Dear mum,

Thanks for all the love and understanding during all the crap I’ve been through….eg like wanna join ballet then quit the next day…. Not being the smart one in class…. Always am the lazy one…… I love you mum…. A lot….. I don’t know how you could handle me but you did…. Thank you mum…… im glad that we had a close relationship….. not like those i-hate-my-mum relationship some ppl have….. I thank god for that….. I love you mum…. Thank you for all you did to me…..i love you alot....

Dear dad,

I don’t have much to say to you… but I love you…. Not more than I love mum though…. But I still love you because you’re my dad….

Dear sis,

Im glad we’ve got over the I-hate-you-ever-existed period….. and im glad we were close….. im glad that we had a very good relationship…. I could share with you abt everything…. And Im glad we had that kind of relationship….. too bad it didn’t last…. Because every since you got married…. Things have changed…. You’ve changed…. But im glad you’ve met your other half to make you happy….. love you a lot sis…….

Dear grandma,
thank you for taking care of me ever since i was young.... im sorry you had to quit your new job for me..... to take care of me.....instead of letting me be thrown all around.... thank you grandma..... i love you..... though i was such a trouble maker when i was young.... again not the smart one compared to sis.... you still took care of me.... thank you grandma.....

Dear faezza,

thanks for all the understanding and love when i threw all the crap on you from pri sch to sec sch to poly to working life...... i missed hanging out and going shopping with you.... it just sucks because our working schedule doesnt persists us from meeting up more often.... love you babe.... you're the bestest best friend anyone could ever had..... love you....

Dear lina,
thank you for all the grat fun times we had in our sec sch days.... thanks for the memories.... it was the best sec sch a girl could ask for.... i miss the shopping..... the crushing on guys.... the gossiping.... the soppy love movies we loved to watch.....too bad time doesnt persists us to have new memories..... i still love you sweetheart....

Dear muhaimin,
thanks for all the night long talks we had.... i just love spending time with you.... you're one of my crappiest friend i love to hang out with..... though we didnt get it right in the LOVE dept..... our friendship dept is going on strong.... thank you for listening to my crap from sec sch till now... i love you my dear friend....

Dear rasyidi,
thanks for all the gossiping we shared.... i love it when we gossip non-stop..... i love spending time with you and just talk nonsense all day long..... if only you knew.... i fell for you when we were back in poly.... too bad you were gay.....i love you alot bitch....

Dear fatimah,
my dear fat cat....i know you cant read.... but still.... i love you alot..... sometimes i wonder do you know that im sad.... because you are always there right beside me when im crying.... love you cat.....

Dear nizar,
thanks for all the time we spend...... the great and the ungreat..... you dont know how much i love you.....and you're the first guy ever that make me feel this way..... it was great while it lasted till the day i sense things werent right......i know you missed her...... but you couldnt tell me..... which made me feel so insecure..... sometimes i wonder if its just making out.... but hey.... i wouldnt know.... because you wouldnt say anything.....i love you babe.... i love that you always make me laugh even when im down..... always trying to make me smile..... i love you babe..... i really do......

Dear aaron,
you're the sweetest guy ever existed..... if only all guys were like you.... heartbroken wouldnt be in the dictionary.....thank you.....

Dear ethel,
though we werent close in poly.... but we're damn close when we started working... im glad i've met you and knew you because you're one of the bestest friend anyone could ever have... always there for me whenever im down.... wherever you are... in singapore or even in aussie..... i love you babe..... miss you too....

dear all who knew me....
if your name isnt here..... its not that you dont mean anything to me.... its just these few ppl made a huge impact in my life..... i know all of you did..... one way or another.... i would like to say thanks..... thanks for being my friend or family..... i love you.....

you might think that i crave for attention.... and the answer is yes..... i dont get any at home because my parents are working.... my sis and her husband are always out..... my dear friends are all busy with work, school or work.... im such a careless person at work..... that im always having fascade on..... my boyfriend loves me but he misses someone else.....

so what do i get? nth.....

so goodbye cruel world.... it was great fun while it lasted.....

21st bdae....

2009-06-05T14:30:30Z

what do i want to do on my 21st bdae?
how do i want my 21st bdae to be like?
who do i want to spend my 21st bdae with?
where do i want my 21st bdae held?

so many questions and only one question.....ONLY ONE QUESTION is certain......

when?

my 21st bdae is held on 17 oct 2009......

here and there.... im hearing ppl having parties here and there.... lil gatherings here and there..... for their 21st bdae..... how bout me? what am i to supposed to do on my 21st bdae? have a bdae party? as if..... i dont have a lot of friends..... dinner with family? i love it and them.... but i do that every bdae.... every... sister, mum, dad's bdae... same ol' same ol'.... im thankful that i still have them.... im not complaining.... im just saying i want something different..... how different you would ask? i dunnoe....

oh well.... maybe just stay at home.... and rot? since im having my annual leave that week..... hmmmmmmmmmm

secret serenity

2009-05-06T16:00:29Z

a secret place.... so nice and pretty.. out of the hustle and bustle of the city.... love this place...

BUBBLES!!!

before and after slimming centre of ward 58... =P -- science centre

play kites at west coast

JUNKS!

SUP TULANG!!

budak emo.....

collecting old memories of the old skool things.... like back when we were toddlers.... like eating bika..... eating tora.... and things like that.... letting our inner child run FREE!! ~weeeeeeeeeeeeee

to all guys or girls out there.....

2009-03-30T15:50:26Z

heard a story somewhere......

there lives a woman and a man.... just got happily married together..... the husband asked his wife... "what would you like for a gift?".... and the wife answered..... "i do not need a gift... im happy with what i have...." so the husband didnt get her any gift for her bdae..... for christmas... for valentines..... 50 years later..... it clicked! the woman turned to a fucking dumbass fairy who doesnt want gifts......

the moral of the story is.... when a girl says she doesnt want a gift.... get her anyways.... when she says she's okay.... she's not..... when she says there's nothing .... there's always something wrong...... girls are fucking complicated.... its true..... i dont deny..... im a girl afterall... but.... just tell her that you care.... tell her that you love her..... eventhough you see her everyday.... tell her you miss her..... and love her..... call or text her in the middle of the night or day.... when she's working or sleeping... just a simple "im thinking of you and i love you" is more than enough......eventhough the girl is already yours..... that doesnt mean you have to stop chasing her and dont bother to do all those nice things when you were chasing her......

and the most important thing is...... show her you do care..... tell her you love her...... and never go out with your ex-es ever...... and treat her well..... call her or text her at random.... cherish the times with them..... like every second.......be there for her..... try your best to understand her..... because.... we girls... are still wondering whats in that head of yours guys....

so.... whoever reading this..... if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend.... grab that phone.... go call her/him up.... and say "i love you" ......... because you'll never know when he or she could be gone...... like gone forever..... SO be thankful for what you have.....

its my annual leave and im all alone....

2009-03-18T15:46:01Z

im still amazed by the animal world..... esp my cat, the fat fatimah..... guess im feeling down today..... and usually im the one dragging/pulling/grabbing/carrying her towards me..... *im not abusing her! i do it gently okay!!!* so that i get to cuddle her.... she doesnt usually comes to me unless i just got home from work tired or wants to play or want food.... but right now.... she's right beside me..... looking at me..... chilling with me.... when im feeling so down..... its like she telling me im always here for you...... gosh i love this fat cat.....

~sigh

2009-02-17T13:52:52Z

im so tired.... tired of my mum nagging..... tired of my patients complains..... tired of myself worrying bout random things...... im just fucking tired of caring......

sorry i cant be there during the girls outing....

sorry i cant be there during the 4e1 gathering......

work is taking my social life out of me..... it sucks....... mum's been nagging lately because i keep going out after work and so forth...... when else can i go out?? during my freaking off days?? when im all drained out?? sigh..... when im at home she nags why am i not doing anything at home but watch tv..... why am i not doing the laundry and so forth...... 1stly..... its my DAY OFF..... 2ndly...... they're not MY laundry.... they're YOURS...... sigh..... its good enough im not asking cash from them.... its good enough im not stealing from them neither am i going around stealing...... its good enough I DO come home and rest..... sigh.......and out of the sudden.... my sis is becoming the perfect daughter ALL OVER AGAIN.... well i dont blame her.... she's married..... BLEARGH! whatever.... everything i do is never fucking right...... im so tired.....

complains from patients in the ward is like freaking rising..... IM SO FUCKING TIRED!!! i cant fucking please anyone anymore!!! not at work! not at home! not even with my social life!!! argh...... im so so so tired...... sigh.....

tired of worrying bout things.... worrying about trust..... tired of believing..... tired of hoping... tired of insecurities...... tired of everything.....

too tired to cry either..... im all drained out.... sigh....

what happened to the old days when i dont have to care abt anything.... sigh......

~sigh... missing my bestie in aussie..... *that rhymes....* & my tweety bestie in woodlands *that rhymes again!* & all my other friends that i have been neglecting.....

4 nights....

2009-02-12T05:14:37Z

beautiful place by the beach..... hmmmm......good times..... sigh.... working 4 nights is a chore!!!! sigh..... so many things to do.... everyone asking to go out.... so little time!!! sigh..... anyways..... heavy pics ahead! ----->

hmmmmmm

hmmmm missing the beach...... and missing the friends...... and missing everything else.....sigh..... it seems like only yest i started working.... but.....in actual fact.... in 2 months time.... it'll be a year.... GOSH..... well i need to sleep before my night shift starts.... sigh.... good day!

~missing....you.....

PASSED!

2009-01-22T15:46:31Z

ahhahaha finally passed my BTT.... hahaha yeah yeah... i know its very easy....but i just got no time to do it okay... screw me.....=P

hmmmmm was bored.... and i think i finally found out whats my name meaning is....
syamimi - keharumanku - translation.... fragrance? ahahah my malay sucks....
atiqa - emancipated, a beautiful lady -link- or some other websites - ancient
so what does it mean? ancient fragrance??? ahaahahahahah wtf..... or fragrance beautiful lady......hmmmmmmmm hahaah wth!!!!

oh well..... gtg.... my laptop is acting up.....

hmmmmm

2009-01-11T15:11:53Z

wouldnt you believe that these pics.... are taken in singapore.... yup these place do exist in singapore.... im super shocked..... its at sentosa
mind you.... really lovig that resort.... wish i was rich to stay there for at least a day to enjoy the beautiful view.... SIGH.......

finally my 9 days of torture is done.... but tmr im still going to work.... 3 days.... then im off then.... work again.... sigh..... nursing is a never ending job..... oh well..... need to get a freaking life!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gtg sleep.... well more on prepare for the next big manutd game soon.....oh well.....

~missing someone....

exhausted!

2009-01-06T12:07:16Z

working for 9 days straight is total exhausting.... they should make a ban this exhausting schedule..... im only at my 5th day.... and i got 4 more days to go.... but guess whats the best part?? i only have 1 day off at the end of the exhausting schedule.... sucks.......

a new year..... a new beginning......
sigh... and im already tired of it.....
~ like someone says.... i need a break
like totally..... sigh......

sitting here waiting for aaron and nizar to finish swimming.... gosh.... these two idiots can really swim.... and boy they have so much energy in them..... im lacking of energy..... the only energy i get is...... sleeeeeeep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

gtg bowling next!!!

CONGRATS to ratna and idham.... =D

2008-12-09T14:01:12Z

finally its all over!!! the wedding chaos i mean.... and finally i've updated this boring journal.... ahahhah thanks to all who came to wedding.... thanks love!!

hmmmm...... finally bought the ipod i've been longing for SO LONG..... hahahaha hmmmm.... what else..... oh bonus is coming up... YEAH!! haahha like as if im getting so much..... hahaahah sigh..... 3 days off....weeee..... one more day to enjoy before WORK WORK WORK!!!! argh....... sucks.... been eating so much..... now getting fatter.... sucks......

was looking through old pics..... hahahaah GOSH!!! i was so KENTAL!!!! not that im cool now..... but gosh!!! im so disgusted at myself..... ahahahahahah its so fun to see old pictures.... see how much all of us grown.... from ugly ducklings to beautiful swans inside and out..... its amazing..... ahaahahah from my cat being so skinny now fat like a garfield.....ahahahahahahahahah goodness......

anyways..... need my sleep now.... see ya!

i miss my cat!!!

2008-11-20T15:29:11Z

send my cat to pet hotel for the wedding.... i miss her.... thinks she noes that she's going away.... she was so reluctant to get out from under the bed.... in the morning she miao-ed so much.... so not her..... I MISS HER TOO MUCH!!! sobs :'(

preparation for wedding is insanely tiring..... not that im doing anything much... its just the chaos i cannot handle.... sucks..... sigh.... here i am in my cosy lil quiet lil room.... typing all this shit.... and im fucking bored... so when im bored.... i do quizzes... here goes
35 Little Secrets
[ONE] Who was your last text from? --> aemin
[TWO] Where was your last pic taken? --> just now my sis took pics
[THREE]Your relationship status? -->complicated
[FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend? -->not really
[FIVE] What is your current mood? -->stressed
[SIX] What's your brother's name? --> i dont have a bro...
[SEVEN ] What's your favorite color(s)? -->hot pink, black, red, white, turqoise, blue
[EIGHT] Where do you wish you were right now? -->anywhere but here
[NINE] Have a crazy side? -->who doesnt
[TEN] Ever had a near death experience?-->nope
[ELEVEN] Something you do a lot? -->sleep.... work.... talk
[TWELVE] Angry at anyone? -->nope
[THIRTEEN] What's stopping you from going for the person you like? -->complication in life
[FOURTEEN] When was the last time you cried? --> few days back i think
[FIFTEEN] Is there anyone you would do anything for? --> i dunnoe
[SIXTEEN] What do you think about when you are falling asleep? -->will everything be alright?
[SEVENTEEN] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? -->my mum
[EIGHTEEN] What are your favorite songs? --> too much to say
[NINETEEN] What are you doing right now? -->journaling.... listening to songs... emo-ing
[TWENTY] Who do you trust right now? -->i trust anyone.... easily....
[TWENTY-ONE] Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? --> some shop in bugis
[TWENTY-TWO] Have you kissed someone in the past week? -->yeah
[TWENTY-THREE] What is your lucky number? -->17!
[TWENTY-FOUR] Who are your friends that are closest to you? -->faezza, D, my sister
[TWENTY- FIVE] Describe your life in one word?--> complicated
[TWENTY- SIX] Have you ever kissed in the rain? -->nope
[TWENTY-SEVEN] Who are you thinking of right now? -->when will this chaos end??
[TWENTY- EIGHT] What should you be doing right now?--> helping around with the wedding...
[TWENTY-NINE]If you could wish for something over a birthday cake right now what would it be?-->cant say can i? or it wouldnt come true....
[THIRTY] What are you listening to? -->leona lewis- better in time
[THIRTY- ONE] Who was the last person who gave you a hug? -->HIM
[THIRTY- TWO] Who was the last person who yelled at you? -->AEMIN!! ahahah
[THIRTY- THREE] Do you act differently around the person you like? -->sometimes... i dunnoe why
[THIRTY- FOUR] What is your natural hair color?--> brown... ahhaha as if... black DUH!
[THIRTY-FIVE]Who was the last person to make you laugh?--> my dad.... surprisingly.....

i hate weddings.... not that im not happy for my sis.... i justt fucking hate chaos..... good luck to me.... putting on a fake smile for the next few days... JIA YOU MIMI!

~sigh.....

being sick....

2008-11-11T14:01:20Z

being sick sucks.... esp when everyone around you are working.... sucks.... hahahaha anyways....

finally.... or should i say dreadfully..... im a confirmed staff... dunnoe whether its good or not...... hahaahha means i have to help new staff around.... and i still dunnoe lots of things.... sucks.....

a week to go till my sis wedding..... its getting nearer.... not that im dreading the wedding.... more like dreading the chaos sigh....

hmmmm i've been itching to get iPod classic lately..... can only get it once the wedding over.... or at the end of the year..... hmmmm...... which is like next month.... hahahaha so..... itchy..... hands cant take it.... ahahahahah

any or how..... i dunnoe whats wrong with me..... should i just go for it? or should i just tell him off? sigh..... i dunnoe.... life has been very complicated lately.... and.... i dunnoe what to do.... sigh.....

im scared..... sigh..... cant say it out...... neither do i know what it is either.....

students in the ward..... good thing or bad? i dunnoe.... just have to wait and see...... soon.... well.... they wont know me and i wont know them... next week im on leave and then im doing night.... weee... *un-enthusiastically* sigh..... i dunnoe.....

im just feeling so shitty.... dunnoe why.... maybe hormones... maybe im just sick.... sigh.....

need rest.... thats all.... lets rest then....
zzzzzzzzz

bored....

2008-10-28T17:06:46Z

bored.... afternoon shift later.... and im still awake.... sucks.... took this from friendster bullentin shit thingy..... BORED!!!

1. Besides your lips, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?

- i dunnoe..... no idea......

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?

- sigh.... so lazy to get my ass up..... sigh.....

3. Who was the last person you took a picture of?

- MY BUNNY!!! oh... person ar.... hmmm my sec sch friends.... miss you guys lots.....

4. How often do you see your ex?

- ermm.....long long long ago......

5. Would you ever donate blood?

- tried..... but i have no veins.... so sad.....

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?

- yep.... actually they are way better to have.... ahhahha like my BITCH!

7. Do you want someone dead?

- nope......

8. What does your last text message say?

- 'want to cont? or what?'

9. What are you thinking about right now?

- shit... i cant sleep.... tmr im afternoon shift.... shit!!

10. Do you wish someone was with you right now?

- hmmmm i dunnoe.....

11. What time did you go to sleep last night?

- 2am??

12. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?

- my sis bought from mango....i took it from her....

13. Is someone in your mind right now?

- someone who's im not thinking bout just now.....

14. Do you know what she/he is doing right now

- sleeping i suppose.....

15. Who was the last person to text you?

- aemin

16. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?

- yep... definitely...... im a spoilt brat....

17. What are you listening to right now?

- atomic kitten-whole again

18. What's the lyrics of that song in ur mind?

- abt me and whoever that someone is that can make me whole again.....

18. Did you sing at all today?

- yep.... all day.... its a musical day for me.... =P

19. When's the last time you cried?
-few days back??

20. Who were you with yesterday?

- me myself and i.....

21. Do you miss anyone?

-yeah... my friends!!!!

22. Have you ever drank with your number one?

-..............????

23. If someone liked you right now what would you want them to tell you?

- dunnoe.....

24. Do you want someone you can't have?

- yeah.... sigh....

25. When did you last talk to your brother or sister?

-few minutes ago?

26. Where were you at 2:02 am this morning?

-still waiting for it.....

27. What was the first thing you thought this morning?

- gotta go find clothes for dinner and dance.....

28. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?

- dont think so....

29. Do you want to tell someone something?

- not really.....

30. What do you want to tell him/her?

- nth

bored.... think gonna force myself to sleep now.... sians..... WORK WORK WORK!!!!!! SIANS.........

i'm OLD!!!

2008-10-19T12:10:43Z

that's my birthday cake.... specialised by my dearest sister.... "you're old"

how ironic.... turning 20 but yet received a build-a-bear BUNNY!!! from liyana, nizar and aaron..... thanks guys!!! ahahahhaahah gosh..... and whats even more amazing......... ITS IN CINDERELLA DRESS!!!!!!!!!! weeeee!~~ man i need to grow up.... what a year huh..... too old to be a teenager but too young to be an adult..... ahahahahhaahah oh well.... working is really tiring me up.... sigh....spend half the day in sgh..... amazing huh?? GoOD JOB! sigh......

always remember when i was smaller.... birthdays are the best day ever or.... most anticipating day ever! but....... as the years passes by.... turning into adulthood...... sigh.... its just another day.... sigh..... birthdays suck... its just a day when everyone reminds you that you're getting older.... sigh...... OH WELL..... life goes on.... and on.... and on.... till you die.... ahahahah

~sigh

happy birthday....

2008-08-31T15:52:28Z

the basket doesnt include kengsoon though.... hahaha he cant fit in....

birthday girl!!

made a stress-free BASKET for dear darling denise for her bdae....a basket for her to be stress free...consists of.... a book.... chocs.... flowers!!! nasri such an ass went up to ppl saying denise is selling flowers.... ahahahahahah it was damn fucking funny.... ahahahah went for lunch.... then played bowling.... desserts/dinner at swensens.... and then went separate ways.... it was a total random day... deciding where to go on the spot.... haha but it was great fun though....

izza bought a build-a-bear bear for her lil cuzzie... and... I WANT ONE TOO!

as ramadhan comes to say hello.... im feeling fucked up.... i hate it.... i've been doing so well of being happy... not thinking bout stupid shits.... not crying for a long period of time.... i hate being down again.... i really hate it...... *sobs* its a period of good month... thinking bout others.... and all i can think of i right now is... myself.... how selfish can i be??? i hate myself..... i really do...... maybe.... all those months of being strong... was a fascade.....maybe..... i dunnoe what happen to me to breakdown so sudden.... it sucks....

st james powerhouse!

2008-08-19T18:05:09Z

we were SUPER bored.... deciding where to go.....

it was so weird to go to a club.... to see ppl eating... lights on stage with emcee talking bout sgh.... haahhahaah my friends and i went to the SGH post - JCI party yest... and that will be the first... and only time..... i will see ppl in headscarves dancing on the dance floor.... hahahahahaha and even the ah pek who works as hca was dancing.... hahahahaha ouh well.... i dont really miss clubbing.... well SLIGHT miss.... miss stacy pauline and karimah that is.... hhahahah and the crazy drinking and seeing stacy and pauline getting drunk.... ahahahaahah other than that.... not missing it..... too bad denice and liyana coudnt come.... or it'll be a hell of a night......

the other day.... a close friend told me that my other friend's mum passed away.... OUCH.... my reaction was like.... WHAT!!! its so sad.... eventhough im not close to her.... but i know her.... and it was totally unexpected..... SHOCKING...... and then i felt..... that.... life IS short..... lots of thoughts went through my head at that exact moment.... what if my mum passed away.... what if my dad.....what if my grandma passed away before my sis wedding..... what if i were to die...... so much thoughts.... but yet no answer......i dunnoe... i just felt sad..... still am....

but im still surving in this earth.... struggling but still alive.... gotta strive hard.... jia you!

~total madness

2008-08-13T17:03:35Z

omg.... finally got the HUMONGOUS files from denise.... hahahaha this is total madness!

anyways thanks for the pics babe!

its so sad to see a member of the team leaving.... one by one they go... hopefully they'll come back to us.... *keng soon! must come back okay? and be my preceptee... haahahah*

anyways....im so broke it sucks.... hhaahah

sians.... finally off day.... going night again.... super crazy tiring... AL next week... HOLIDAY!! i want to sleep and HIBERNATE like a bear.... haahahahah

sometimes i wonder.... how many days can i survive without food.... hmmmm.... i dunnoe.... oh well.... only time will show...

hormones sucks.... feeling so emo for i dunnoe why.... i need more happy thoughts..... someone stole them away....hide it somewhere..... couldnt find it.... sucks...

thats a word i've not been using for a SUPER long time..... sucks... LIFE SUCKS.... well not really... im still surviging arent i?

~it'll all get better in time....

HOPEFULLY....

~PH boredom....

2008-08-09T15:09:24Z

You Are The Star

You represent the ultimate in truth and purity.

Insightful and illuminating, you provide guidance for others.

You also demonstrate unselfish, unconditional love.

You posses many spiritual gifts, including the ability to heal.

Your fortune:

Your future is looking brighter by the day.

The near future will be a time of both hope and healing.

Luck is about to come your way, perhaps the best luck you have ever seen.

Life is about to get a lot easier and much better!

What Tarot Card Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Kengsoon is your soulmate.

You truly love Lina.

You consider D your true friend.

You know that Ethel is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Fatin for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Faezza is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Liyana is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Denise is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Denise changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Nani is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Nani has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

its been a heck of a time since i last put a quiz in a blog.... ahahhaah i know super rubbish but boredom gets me before i could do someting else..... OMG!!! this quizzes are simply rubbish... answers are all like shit... ahahhah stupid untrue answers.... *although hopefully some are true... ahahahhahaa* TOTAL MADNESS!!!!! ahahah im so boreddddddddd argh!!!!! this silly quizzes give me headaches.....waiting for denise tan to give me the pics from the keng soon's outing thingy.... great fun that day is.... ahahahah should have seen his face when he opened his gift.... hahaahahahaha

sianz..... shit..... im losing too much weight for my own good.... damn it....

suddenly i remembered how many crushes i had during secondary sch....ahaahahhaah lina and i were super madness.... ahahahahahah miss those days sia.....crushes here and there.... crushes up to 4 ppl at once!!! *not naming names.... hahaahaha CONFIDENTIAL between the two of us.... hahahahahahaha* oh man!!! miss those days...

and now.... so adult.... im working.... lina doing NIE.... nani working waiting to go aussie for studies... the guys going NS.... gosh.... its not a nice year.....everyone going away..... sigh..... ~"it'll all get better in time....."

~hopefully.....

yawn~

2008-07-23T13:36:33Z

working is tiring.... haha duh.... suddenly.... i miss all my friends.... pri..... sec.... poly..... ALL of them..... SIGH~~~~ im super broke... but hey pay's coming soon..... more online shopping for me.. yeah!! now i totally get lina with her online madness.... ahhahahaha coz im hook too..... oops! sigh~

its amazing how much patience i have for my patients and their relatives...... but..... i can never have patience for my PERMANENT patient..... my dad..... im so tired of taking care of that BIG baby...... sigh...... i dunnoe... i mean he's my dad afterall.... but its emotionally tired..... very very tired..... hiaz.... i mean sometimes i know he's joking... BUT.... there's always a truth in a joke..... eg. always joking bout my payday coming.... AND I HATE WHEN HE TALKS BOUT MONEY.....because i just dont simply fucking understand.... i mean he works.... he has money.... and he will always say..."you know.... when you were younger..... i used to buy pampers and food for you..... i took care of you.... i bought you laptops and tv..... you should buy me laptops and tv....." and its like he's asking me to pay back whatever he gave me..... its like he's reiterating over and over and over again..... ARGH!!! its not as if i ask him to MAKE me..... CONCEIVE me..... ergh!!! its so ARGH-ing for me.... hate it.... if anyone who deserves all my money... its my mum and grandma..... they took care of me.... even my grandma QUITTED her job for me.... omg.... i owe her so much..... it sucks.... stupid dad..... he thinks the world revolves around him.... eg. those ads on tv bout kidney failure and go donate money to them or interviewing them or things like that... he will always say.... "how come interview them?? how bout me?? why are they so special?? how come they have money and i dont get??" and i always feel like screaming.... YOU ARE A LUCKY MORON!! COMPANY PAYS FOR YOUR FUCKING DIALYSIS TREATMENT AND MEDS.... THATS WHY ALL OF US ARE STILL SURVIVING FINANCIALLY.... IF NOT.... WE'RE BROKE....AND WE COULDNT EVEN BUY A CAR.... WE WOULDNT BE LIVING LIKE THIS.... WE'RE LUCKY.... AND HERE YOU ARE SAYING YOU DIDNT GET MONEY FROM DONATION FUNDS.... WTF!!! argh!!! so angry.....

well let's forget bout that.... my life has been pretty.... erm...... BORING! nth much to update either.... haahhahaha oh welll

boredom

2008-06-12T05:52:23Z

im so so so tired.... i've lose like 5 kilos starting work!!!! yeah..... i do not need a slimming centre..... i do not need slimming pills.... all i got to do is.... work in my ward!! gosh!! whaahhahha

so... DO YOU NEED something to get rid off all those fats without surgical intervention or slimming pills but still want it to be super effective?? WELL... you've come to the right place!! COME JOIN NURSING! its the best ever!!! losing weight like nobody's business!! woo!!!

blah....anyways... i miss all my friends... pri... sec... poly... all lah.... working life is so tiring... i dunnoe how these nurses can work for 10-20 or even 40 years!!! crazy sia..... taking 12 cases is total madness yesterday... keng soon keep on asking.... "mimi you okay?" and i keep on saying... "no im dying...." ahahah madness.... so tired... well lucky im off tmr... WEEEEEE finally some time off..... i realise smth.... working in a shitty place is kinda okay... as long as you have your friends.... hahahah with liyana and denise and keng soon and the other colleagues there..... madness arise.... ahahahahah one by one all going off.... sheeny... then keng soon... then maggie... and maybe even me..... sigh.......then less friends.... then.... whats the point of working.... then..... LETS QUIT! blah.. im talking nonsense.... im just so fucking bored..... sians....

actually i wrote this half way yest and i feel asleep...

hmmmm.... actually im not sure what to write next....

updating stupid blog just the sake of updating... so.... ya.....

erm... im currently in some stupid comp lap in sgh... Sooooo boring.... falling asleep every few minutes.... ahahah BLAH!! falling asleeppppp.........zzzzzzzzzz
z
z
z
z
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drools~~

oh ya.... i finally cut my beautfiul long hair.... ahhahah ooopss.... =P

finally graduated!!!

2008-05-23T12:33:24Z

WOO!!!!
manchester united are the champions!!! ahahhaha wooooooo!! whoop whoop whoop!!! love them all....worth me waking up in the morning even i have grad right after the match....

and i cant believe i graduated..... wow.... i cant believe i did all that.... all the stress.... all the work... and finally the end.... actually no end... nursing is never ending.....BUT its over for student days!!! now earning cash.... wahahhahhaha *cough* stupid person who announce the name during grad day.... they announce my name as.... you guess lah.... my name so simple yet its so hard to say.... morons.... she announced my name as SU-YA-MIMI...... THANKS AR!!! ARGH!! and just now... sister karen also called my name wrongly.... SA-YA-MIMI!!! what the fuck man!!! argh!!!! its okay..... im used to it.... every year..... eversince i was small.... kindergarten.... primary... secondary... poly.... and now workplace.... THANKS!! ~sigh

what a week!!! first... manchester united winning the champions league.... WOO HOO!!! then.... graduation day.... then... david cook winning american idol....*not like im so into it.... ahahhaah*.... then Singapore winning the pedra branca dispute... woo! and tmr.... MY PAY DAY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOo amazing week... i guess positive thinking does brings luck... =D

gosh.... next week start work..... REAL WORK..... no more not doing stuff.... now must do everything!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stress..... hahah well not really.... im workaholic.... i think.... ahhahaaahah it depends.... oh well..... tired now.... going to update more soon i hope...